Ramblings...

Last week we celebrated D’s birthday. We had just arrived at the steakhouse when I received a text from one of his coworkers asking if we would go out later that night to celebrate. I was not opposed to it so a few hours later we met up with a few of his friends.

In some ways it was déjà vu. When we first got married, he would bring me out with him after work to meet up with “the boys” for drinks. Other days it was for a bite to eat at Chipotle. Either way, we always ended up staying for hours just talking about their jobs. At first, everything they talked about went in one ear and out the other. What did I know about cables, cameras, mics or replays? I barely knew how media production even worked. It was like a foreign language. I would nod every now and then and pretend to be interested. However, after a few years of this I began to pick up on some things, like how they got “crewed” for a show. What positions there were (utility, camera op, A2, A1, RO, lead tape, AD, TD, director, producer…the list goes on), what their job description was (for example utility-you better know how to wrap a cable right!), what types of shows they were on (anywhere from sports to corporate shows to festivals…you name it) etc. Now, 6 years later and here I am, pretty proud of myself for knowing some basics so that I can insert a comment here and there and remain a part of their conversations. It’s amazing how much I have learned about their work by just sitting back and listening.

Being married to a freelancer is one of the hardest things in my life. I probably sound like a broken record. You maybe have even heard me bitch once or twice about it. As a wife, you truly never know what will get thrown your way. Whether it’s a phone call from D the day before a family event saying something like “sorry, I told someone I’d cover for them so I can’t make it to your family’s thanksgiving.” Or knowing you will be attending the majority of your friends’ weddings dateless and alone because there’s no way he’s going to give up a day of work. It might even be something along the lines of he forgot it was your wedding anniversary and he booked himself a gig for the evening, or “I can’t plan anything for the holidays it’s only October!”

 Being flexible in this working lifestyle is by far one of the most important things I have ever learned since I started dating D. You, as a wife, a significant other, will get your feelings hurt. Your plans are constantly changing. And, you are alone 80% of the time. Yet, when you take a step back and look at the big picture, you see that you are with one of the hardest working, motivated, and intelligent people on the planet. Really, I’m not just saying that because I am bias (well maybe a little, I mean, he has a cute ass..) and  he’s my husband. It’s not just him, almost everyone in this business has a similar work ethic. I have a respect for them that I sometimes cannot express in words. They get excited about their job, they love what they do, literally over 95% of the time, and even if they have issues or something to complain about (which is rare) it’s never an option to quit. Their pros outweigh any con that they might have. I have seen more than one person work from the ground up, and it is incredible watching their growth and the work that they do. I wish every career and occupation had people like them working as hard as they do.

As difficult as it can be to be married to a guy like D, in a career like his, I would take him any day over someone who did not care about where they were going or what they were doing. I may have to attend a wedding solo, or go to family functions alone, and my friends and family may never truly understand, but at least I know we’re going somewhere in life. I have a pretty great husband working hard for our future. When I married him, I married his job. This industry can be brutal, but to be able to watch him and listen to him get excited about his work, hear pride in his voice over his accomplishments, makes every single sleepless night alone worth it. If he’s happy, why not be happy too? For sure, that’s easier said than done, but it’s hard not to be happy for them when you start to understand how freelance works, and what they actually do.

Top 5 Worst and Best Things about Fall...#footballseason

The Worst...

1) It's starting to get cold out. You wake up alone, freezing in your California king size bed, and you wish you had a warm body next to you. 2) Two hours into his absence you receive a text from him stating "I miss you." Awwwww, what the hell... now it will be a long weekend 3) It's for football...I mean really, football. Time to start memorizing plays and calls...he'll be talking about it on the phone or Skype and you can't just smile and nod anymore. You have to sound intelligent while conversing with him 4) NO sex (seriously the WORST) did someone say horny? 5) If he makes it back on Sunday, you know what the rest of the day looks like...#footballseason

The Best...
1) The $$$$$ just starts flowing in...it's awesome. The options seem endless 2) A break from the bullshit. The husband is gone. No more bitching about how money is spent or saved 3) Ladies night can be every night (score!) 4) The TV remote belongs to you and only you! Real Housewives re-runs or The Bachelor marathon all day long 5) "Welcome Home" sex...pretty much worth it....after the game of course. Or, during halftime. It depends how long you can hold out, or how tired he is...but seriously, it's #footballseason

Days off...What's That?

If you work 9-5, Monday through Friday, are single, and want someone to spend time with, live life with, and enjoy the weekend together, then dating in the freelance world is not an ideal option. I found that out when I first started dating D. I shrugged it off, and kept thinking "It will get better." No. I was wrong. 3 years and 6 months later (of marriage...a total pretty much of 6 years) it's still not better. I guess you could say sticking it out is either the best decision I have made, or the dumbest. I'm not sure I know myself yet. What I do know is that it's a constant struggle. Days off are far from scheduled. Usually days off mean he doesn't have work. Which means that at any moment leading up to that "day off," if he receives a phone call to work, it's no longer a day off. So, don't even count on it.

I myself do not work what most people would consider the "normal" work hours. As a younger nurse, I took whatever hours I could get, and have moved up from there. One of the so-called perks of being a nurse is working "off shift" hours. However, you still work a weekend or more a month. Since D mainly works weekends and afternoon-evenings, I kept my 3-11:30 p.m. shifts. My weekends are over nights (7 p.m.-7:30 a.m.), and that is mostly because I have no other choice there (seniority based schedule). I would love to someday switch my schedule around and work normal hours, to be around friends more, but then I would lose spending time with my husband...because normal hours don't work as well with the type of schedule a freelancer holds.

When we both finally do have a random day off together (meaning I usually have a scheduled day off or my request cancel was granted and he never gets that phone call to work) we try to spend time with each other. This means that, the rest of our housework, spring cleaning etc. gets pushed aside. If some chore or project needs to be accomplished, i.e. cleaning of his horrendous office, landscaping, or buying a snow blower...it most likely will go undone unless it's in a state of emergency. I always try to get him to do things around the house, and D will say "I have the whole month off next month," or "I have next week off." It never fails. D either ends up working. Whether it's a last minute gig or a new position for a recent employer. Or there are other important things to do that are work related such as work shows that need to be put into his calendar, invoices to complete and emails to sort through. So, those household details that need to get done will be shoved aside until the next time he has off.

We do what we can to survive. Just like in any relationship, married or not, we try to make time for one another. One thing we recently have attempted to do, is to get up and go to the gym together. We both wake up around 9:30 a.m. (It sounds nice to all you 9-5 folks, but when you're going to bed at 1 a.m. or later it's not really all that glamorous.) and head to the gym about an hour later. We do not necessarily work out together. I usually attend my yoga class (D calls me yogurt instead of Yogi, he thinks he's so funny) while he runs for a bit, lifts weights and does an ab workout. Even though, we are doing separate things, it's always fun riding over together and driving home with one another. We live far enough away from the gym that we get some good conversations in.

We also have two TV shows we have decided are a must watch together moment. The first one, mind you I refused to watch for the last 2 years at least, before finally caving in. The Walking Dead. I'm a pansy when it comes to creepy crawly, dead, weird looking things. D tried to get me to watch the show for years. "But, it's sooooooooo good!" He would say. One night, I was bored. I wanted to watch something exciting, but I couldn't find anything fun. D suggested TWD. No way! He told me to try it, just one episode. Well, after that one episode I was clearly hooked. Now, I write reminders in our lovely little synced calendars on our smartphones so that we can DVR it if we're not home when the premiere starts. The next show happened by pure fluke. I was starting Pretty Little Liars late via Netflix. I was probably a few episodes in on season one when D came home from work and asked "what the hell" was I watching. After I told him, he rolled his eyes (typical after all he's come home to find me watching Real Housewives and Gossip Girl). Yet, he still came and sat down next to me on the couch. 20 minutes into the next episode my hubby was into the show. I think at first it was because of how cute the actresses looked. Like all men, their sexuality controls their brain function. Now, he reminds me every Tuesday, by asking "Guess what day it is?" He really doesn't need to. I am pretty sure he's more obsessed over this show than I am (what a girl).

Sometimes, very rarely, but sometimes, he will offer to take me on a "date." Of course, that date usually means I plan it, and hope to God he doesn't get a last minute phone call to work. Most of the time our date consists pf going to dinner, or a movie. And, once in a while he will take me somewhere, if I decide where and what to do, like midweek getaway up north. If it's a somewhat special occasion, then he will attempt to plan something. It usually ends up being during the day because he forgot to take off work for it (We're still working on that one).

Even more rare? Going to a wedding together. Usually, I dread RSVPing to a wedding because I'm the only one who can make it. Or, going to a family wedding with my sister-in-law because my own husband won't take off work for his family. It is like pulling teeth, trying to get him to come to a wedding with me. Even if it's his own friends' wedding, because most of the time it means saying no to a work gig. BUT, as of Saturday, I have now gone to two with him in one month! You have absolutely NO idea how exciting that is for me. Weddings are my thing. Maybe because I have a side business of wedding coordinating, it makes it easier for me to enjoy. Or maybe it's because I am always reminded of the complete look of joy, and pure happiness I see in the couple that day, and it brings me back to my own wedding day. We were both in wedding bliss, and life was perfect on that very day, at that very moment.


When it comes to dating or marrying into the freelance world, don't expect to see your significant other anymore than you see him now. In fact, expect to see him less. And, when he does have a day off? Treasure it. Who cares if the laundry hasn't been folded, or your best friends want to get coffee together and catch up on all the gossip. You get to have him, you get to be around him for more than an hour or two before and after work. God knows when the next one will be. Because, really? Days off? What's that?

Being Married to Free Lance has Ruined Me

The first thing on my mind as I walk into the stadium is "where are the cameras." As I glance quickly around I spot as many as I can find. I slide into my seat, and let out a sigh of relief. So far so good. I learned my lesson the last time I was at a baseball game. Never let anyone know where you're sitting. You don't want to be on the big screen. Then, as we wait for the event to begin my eyes wander toward the center, I can pick out all the hand held camera guys, I spot their utilities running behind them trying to keep up. I chuckle to myself. My friends give me a weird look, and I smile slightly embarrassed and mumble "it's nothing" because if I told them why they would look at me like I was a complete nerd. Which, let's be honest, I am. After listening to D talk for hours about work, nonstop at times, I can hold a conversation with him, and attempt to sound smart when I ask him questions about his job(s).

A few short moments later the show begins. My friends are drinking and having a good time. They are looking up at the crowd shot on the jumbo tron, they want to get on it of course. I glance over at one of the hard camera ops across the stadium. I can see the red light. I also see the shot on the big screen. I whisper to my friend and point, "that's the shot that's being used on the jumbo tron"  as the camera is pointed directly in the area being shown. The look on her face shows she is confused. I can read it clearly. "How do you know?" I quickly try to explain but it's no use. She then screams with delight as the camera pans across to an area near us. My friends really want to be on the big screen. I cringe and duck down. I've learned that this isn't my thing. I know D and his coworkers don't ever have to look hard to find the people their looking for in the crowd. We really should be watching the game.

During half time, I see a few familiar faces. Some of them are audio, some utility, and others are camera guys. My friends ask me if D is working, and if we can go find him. If he doing camera work or utility work sometimes I will show them where he is. They usually try to get his attention. That's always fun. He acknowledges the girls and gives a half wave before focusing through the viewfinder or walking past them with a cable in his hands. If he's in the truck of course then I say no. Because that's not going to happen. They ask me again what he does. Depending on the show, I try to come up with a simple explanation, I always fail. Their next question is "does he get to meet the players?" That's a fun one. Do I answer, "I know so and so gave him a high five before the game," or "He congratulated so and so after he put up 20 points." No. I simply shrug my shoulders. Come on people, they have to be professional. They are there for work!

The game begins again, my friends are clearly enjoying themselves. The drinks have kicked in. Then one of them asks if D or I know any of the announcers or reporters. I'm around enough to know who they are, I've met a few of them, but we are not BFFs by any means, so once again I just shrug and say "no, not really." It's a great game, but my mind isn't focused on it. I look to my right to see the hand held almost get jacked by a falling player. I gasp. My friends ask "what just happened?" They obviously did not see what I saw. I tell them what happened and the next question is "They can get hurt?" No, really?

When the game gets done, and we get ready to head out the girls want to ask D if he will join us after. "We can wait for him" they say. Clearly, they have no idea what it takes to put on a show, and the hour long plus time it takes for them to tear down and strike a show. "Let's just go" I say. "If he gets done in time to join us he will. He still has to melt." I groan on the inside. I just used the word melt. Wrong word choice. I am then explaining to them what still needs to be done before he goes home. So we head out. The girls are already onto their next favorite subject. What to get at the bar. I've really got to do something different next time.

Hallmark Holiday

When you are married to free lance you will always lose. Every single time. If I were to tell my husband that he would deny it through and through, but deep inside he knows I'm right. Why? Because it's the truth. I may be blunt, but it is only because I am being honest. Let me do some explaining.

Year one. When D first asked me out I was a nervous to date him. We had been family friends for a long time (since 4th grade for me to be exact) and it just seemed like a big risk to go from being friends to dating. However, he was romantic enough that it was hard for me to say no. Week one, he bought me a bouquet of roses to show his loving and caring side. The same thing went for our first month. I was in a dream, he was just the perfect boyfriend. Then came Valentine's day. The hallmark holiday many ladies enjoy and secretly hope their significant other will go to the extremes to express their love and affection for them. Oh boy, was I wrong. Our first Valentine's day together, D told me he had to work. I wasn't real thrilled about it, especially since it was our first one together, but as most free lance wives and girlfriends know, you give up a job, you might not have one again anytime soon. Especially, if you're just starting out in the business. So D worked, while I went out with my friends for a "girls night." Little did I know (I was very naive when it comes to the free lance world) what I was getting myself into. The next day, D came over with a cute card and some chocolate. It was sweet of him to try and make up the fact that he missed V day, but did I mention it had the clearance sticker still on it? D now knows I don't do chocolate on Valentine's day and yet each year he still threatens to repeat the disastrous "clearance candy" event. Since that Valentine's day 5 years ago, I have come to realize that celebrating that overrated, hallmark holiday called Valentine's day just won't happen. Almost every year there has been a sports event or work event that has kept us apart. No matter what, work will always come first.

The hardest part for me is that it did not just end there. Any other event that happens to be on a day they work, or potentially work, won't happen either. Most likely D will say "You've gotta be kidding me, it's during the one week that there's 10+ shows in town. I can't give up work." Or when you tell him that one of your friend is getting married on a certain date 6 months before, who knew, there just happens to be a Twins game that same weekend and two weeks prior to the wedding he says can't go because they booked him to work. Work will always come first for free lancers. Unless, in their eyes the event is important enough for them to miss. I cannot tell you how many weddings I have gone solo to. How many family functions I have shown up to alone. It's pitiful, and quite frankly I feel like I might as well be I am single because it sure does feel that way.

In the last five years this is what I have learned so far. Being married to free lance means letting go of any expectations you might have of your husband (or significant other). It means being independent and not waiting around for them. They will do their own thing, every single time. Try compromising? You can't compromise in the free lance business my friend. You can however, pick your battles. It's not worth getting mad over the fact that D can't spend Valentine's day with me. But I am allowed to be upset at the fact that he took work on his day off that you planned several weeks in advance with him and your family to celebrate a holiday (mind you not on the holiday since he worked it too) and you find out the day before the said celebration, or when he plans to do stuff with his friends on the only 2 days off you have together in the last six months. Men will be men. Free lance men are stubborn, hard workers, but stubborn. Fighting over the small stuff is exhausting. I learned the hard way. Two weeks into marriage, and telling your man he can't fold his laundry a certain way, won't cut it. Telling him to take a week off during the busiest free lance month of the year-really won't happen.

Ask him for his schedule, cater towards his schedule. It sucks, believe me, but it's the only way. You will lose every single time if you don't. Here's a tip, your best friend calls you up to tell you she just got engaged and the wedding is a year from now. Congratulate her, be happy for her, but know that deep down inside you might be attending this celebration alone. Pencil the date in both of your calendars, mention that it would be nice if your significant could make it, and that it would mean a lot to you. Check his calendar (his schedule most likely won't be out that far but you never know). Check the local sports schedules, is there a game that day/night that he most likely will be working? Any other big event going on during that time? If there is, take a deep breath, and exhale slowly, he most likely won't be there, and if he is, then it's a nice surprise. If he travels, see if he has his schedule for traveling dates. If not, you will most likely not find out until a few days before the event. If there isn't anything going on? Still prepare your heart to have him not be there. Because in reality, that's free lance. You never know. You will never one hundred percent know until that day comes. Hallmark holiday, or any day in general, his work will always come first.

A Few of the Best and Worst Things about my Freelance Husband

A post I recently wrote to my husband:

Best things about you being gone:

1) I get the bed all to myself, and let me tell you it's pretty comfy babe (can't beat a Tempur-Pedic)

2) I get to watch my favorite shows without you judging

3) I can shop (literally until I drop)

4) I can hang out with my friends (and not be the "married" friend who doesn't do anything with her girls)

5) Play around on your editing computer and not know what the heck I am doing (oops).

Worst things about you being gone:

1) You STILL haven't gotten me that snow blower. Shoveling yesterday stunk, and then all my hard work was a waste because when I got back I had about 2 feet of snow at the end of the drive way from the plows. I attempted shoveling some of it today before giving up. You can do it when you get back Sunday.

2) You are not here to take down the Christmas tree (which I asked you to take down 2 weeks ago) and I can never pull those pieces apart, so it's still up and I look like one of those people who celebrates into February.

3) It's really cold and I can't snuggle with you.

4) Paying the mortgage...I don't like seeing the $$$$ disappear from my bank account. I'd rather you take care of that. Like I said, I'd rather shop...and not look at the bank account.

5) The worst: I had to cut a dingle berry the size of a quarter off Otto's butt. Seriously, the worst experience of my life. Worse than what I do at work sometimes.

So all in all, I guess I miss you. Have fun wherever you are, and whatever you're doing (mostly because I can't remember, and I know better than to trust your synced calendar anymore).

#freelancewifeproblems