Days off...What's That?

If you work 9-5, Monday through Friday, are single, and want someone to spend time with, live life with, and enjoy the weekend together, then dating in the freelance world is not an ideal option. I found that out when I first started dating D. I shrugged it off, and kept thinking "It will get better." No. I was wrong. 3 years and 6 months later (of marriage...a total pretty much of 6 years) it's still not better. I guess you could say sticking it out is either the best decision I have made, or the dumbest. I'm not sure I know myself yet. What I do know is that it's a constant struggle. Days off are far from scheduled. Usually days off mean he doesn't have work. Which means that at any moment leading up to that "day off," if he receives a phone call to work, it's no longer a day off. So, don't even count on it.

I myself do not work what most people would consider the "normal" work hours. As a younger nurse, I took whatever hours I could get, and have moved up from there. One of the so-called perks of being a nurse is working "off shift" hours. However, you still work a weekend or more a month. Since D mainly works weekends and afternoon-evenings, I kept my 3-11:30 p.m. shifts. My weekends are over nights (7 p.m.-7:30 a.m.), and that is mostly because I have no other choice there (seniority based schedule). I would love to someday switch my schedule around and work normal hours, to be around friends more, but then I would lose spending time with my husband...because normal hours don't work as well with the type of schedule a freelancer holds.

When we both finally do have a random day off together (meaning I usually have a scheduled day off or my request cancel was granted and he never gets that phone call to work) we try to spend time with each other. This means that, the rest of our housework, spring cleaning etc. gets pushed aside. If some chore or project needs to be accomplished, i.e. cleaning of his horrendous office, landscaping, or buying a snow blower...it most likely will go undone unless it's in a state of emergency. I always try to get him to do things around the house, and D will say "I have the whole month off next month," or "I have next week off." It never fails. D either ends up working. Whether it's a last minute gig or a new position for a recent employer. Or there are other important things to do that are work related such as work shows that need to be put into his calendar, invoices to complete and emails to sort through. So, those household details that need to get done will be shoved aside until the next time he has off.

We do what we can to survive. Just like in any relationship, married or not, we try to make time for one another. One thing we recently have attempted to do, is to get up and go to the gym together. We both wake up around 9:30 a.m. (It sounds nice to all you 9-5 folks, but when you're going to bed at 1 a.m. or later it's not really all that glamorous.) and head to the gym about an hour later. We do not necessarily work out together. I usually attend my yoga class (D calls me yogurt instead of Yogi, he thinks he's so funny) while he runs for a bit, lifts weights and does an ab workout. Even though, we are doing separate things, it's always fun riding over together and driving home with one another. We live far enough away from the gym that we get some good conversations in.

We also have two TV shows we have decided are a must watch together moment. The first one, mind you I refused to watch for the last 2 years at least, before finally caving in. The Walking Dead. I'm a pansy when it comes to creepy crawly, dead, weird looking things. D tried to get me to watch the show for years. "But, it's sooooooooo good!" He would say. One night, I was bored. I wanted to watch something exciting, but I couldn't find anything fun. D suggested TWD. No way! He told me to try it, just one episode. Well, after that one episode I was clearly hooked. Now, I write reminders in our lovely little synced calendars on our smartphones so that we can DVR it if we're not home when the premiere starts. The next show happened by pure fluke. I was starting Pretty Little Liars late via Netflix. I was probably a few episodes in on season one when D came home from work and asked "what the hell" was I watching. After I told him, he rolled his eyes (typical after all he's come home to find me watching Real Housewives and Gossip Girl). Yet, he still came and sat down next to me on the couch. 20 minutes into the next episode my hubby was into the show. I think at first it was because of how cute the actresses looked. Like all men, their sexuality controls their brain function. Now, he reminds me every Tuesday, by asking "Guess what day it is?" He really doesn't need to. I am pretty sure he's more obsessed over this show than I am (what a girl).

Sometimes, very rarely, but sometimes, he will offer to take me on a "date." Of course, that date usually means I plan it, and hope to God he doesn't get a last minute phone call to work. Most of the time our date consists pf going to dinner, or a movie. And, once in a while he will take me somewhere, if I decide where and what to do, like midweek getaway up north. If it's a somewhat special occasion, then he will attempt to plan something. It usually ends up being during the day because he forgot to take off work for it (We're still working on that one).

Even more rare? Going to a wedding together. Usually, I dread RSVPing to a wedding because I'm the only one who can make it. Or, going to a family wedding with my sister-in-law because my own husband won't take off work for his family. It is like pulling teeth, trying to get him to come to a wedding with me. Even if it's his own friends' wedding, because most of the time it means saying no to a work gig. BUT, as of Saturday, I have now gone to two with him in one month! You have absolutely NO idea how exciting that is for me. Weddings are my thing. Maybe because I have a side business of wedding coordinating, it makes it easier for me to enjoy. Or maybe it's because I am always reminded of the complete look of joy, and pure happiness I see in the couple that day, and it brings me back to my own wedding day. We were both in wedding bliss, and life was perfect on that very day, at that very moment.


When it comes to dating or marrying into the freelance world, don't expect to see your significant other anymore than you see him now. In fact, expect to see him less. And, when he does have a day off? Treasure it. Who cares if the laundry hasn't been folded, or your best friends want to get coffee together and catch up on all the gossip. You get to have him, you get to be around him for more than an hour or two before and after work. God knows when the next one will be. Because, really? Days off? What's that?