Hallmark Holiday

When you are married to free lance you will always lose. Every single time. If I were to tell my husband that he would deny it through and through, but deep inside he knows I'm right. Why? Because it's the truth. I may be blunt, but it is only because I am being honest. Let me do some explaining.

Year one. When D first asked me out I was a nervous to date him. We had been family friends for a long time (since 4th grade for me to be exact) and it just seemed like a big risk to go from being friends to dating. However, he was romantic enough that it was hard for me to say no. Week one, he bought me a bouquet of roses to show his loving and caring side. The same thing went for our first month. I was in a dream, he was just the perfect boyfriend. Then came Valentine's day. The hallmark holiday many ladies enjoy and secretly hope their significant other will go to the extremes to express their love and affection for them. Oh boy, was I wrong. Our first Valentine's day together, D told me he had to work. I wasn't real thrilled about it, especially since it was our first one together, but as most free lance wives and girlfriends know, you give up a job, you might not have one again anytime soon. Especially, if you're just starting out in the business. So D worked, while I went out with my friends for a "girls night." Little did I know (I was very naive when it comes to the free lance world) what I was getting myself into. The next day, D came over with a cute card and some chocolate. It was sweet of him to try and make up the fact that he missed V day, but did I mention it had the clearance sticker still on it? D now knows I don't do chocolate on Valentine's day and yet each year he still threatens to repeat the disastrous "clearance candy" event. Since that Valentine's day 5 years ago, I have come to realize that celebrating that overrated, hallmark holiday called Valentine's day just won't happen. Almost every year there has been a sports event or work event that has kept us apart. No matter what, work will always come first.

The hardest part for me is that it did not just end there. Any other event that happens to be on a day they work, or potentially work, won't happen either. Most likely D will say "You've gotta be kidding me, it's during the one week that there's 10+ shows in town. I can't give up work." Or when you tell him that one of your friend is getting married on a certain date 6 months before, who knew, there just happens to be a Twins game that same weekend and two weeks prior to the wedding he says can't go because they booked him to work. Work will always come first for free lancers. Unless, in their eyes the event is important enough for them to miss. I cannot tell you how many weddings I have gone solo to. How many family functions I have shown up to alone. It's pitiful, and quite frankly I feel like I might as well be I am single because it sure does feel that way.

In the last five years this is what I have learned so far. Being married to free lance means letting go of any expectations you might have of your husband (or significant other). It means being independent and not waiting around for them. They will do their own thing, every single time. Try compromising? You can't compromise in the free lance business my friend. You can however, pick your battles. It's not worth getting mad over the fact that D can't spend Valentine's day with me. But I am allowed to be upset at the fact that he took work on his day off that you planned several weeks in advance with him and your family to celebrate a holiday (mind you not on the holiday since he worked it too) and you find out the day before the said celebration, or when he plans to do stuff with his friends on the only 2 days off you have together in the last six months. Men will be men. Free lance men are stubborn, hard workers, but stubborn. Fighting over the small stuff is exhausting. I learned the hard way. Two weeks into marriage, and telling your man he can't fold his laundry a certain way, won't cut it. Telling him to take a week off during the busiest free lance month of the year-really won't happen.

Ask him for his schedule, cater towards his schedule. It sucks, believe me, but it's the only way. You will lose every single time if you don't. Here's a tip, your best friend calls you up to tell you she just got engaged and the wedding is a year from now. Congratulate her, be happy for her, but know that deep down inside you might be attending this celebration alone. Pencil the date in both of your calendars, mention that it would be nice if your significant could make it, and that it would mean a lot to you. Check his calendar (his schedule most likely won't be out that far but you never know). Check the local sports schedules, is there a game that day/night that he most likely will be working? Any other big event going on during that time? If there is, take a deep breath, and exhale slowly, he most likely won't be there, and if he is, then it's a nice surprise. If he travels, see if he has his schedule for traveling dates. If not, you will most likely not find out until a few days before the event. If there isn't anything going on? Still prepare your heart to have him not be there. Because in reality, that's free lance. You never know. You will never one hundred percent know until that day comes. Hallmark holiday, or any day in general, his work will always come first.